Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
