I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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