i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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