if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
