when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
