At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
