I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
