i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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