I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize