yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just pee around me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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