i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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