$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
