I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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