she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
