I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i barfeds in our rink
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
