I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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