yo everyone went to the hospital last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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