there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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