Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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