im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
