i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
