Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
