Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
