Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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