love makes seman taste better
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize