I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
