you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
