Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
