"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
