that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
