So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
only if we run a train.
done.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
