please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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