I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
