Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
