And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sex in a hospital.. check
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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