dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
