I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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