Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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