If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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