he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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