mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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