I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize