took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
