If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
