Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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