it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
