Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
