i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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