To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
