he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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