If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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