I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
