In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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