3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
