Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
