Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
