Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
