Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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