Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
