he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
