What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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