i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
