he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't turn off my feet"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize