You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
