alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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