Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
