I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
