I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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