Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
