whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
