I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
