Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
